Originally published in NZ Rugby World #135, page 88
Nightmare on Elm Street
10. Henry Paul
England v Australia – November, 2004
Some might wonder whether it was Henry Paul or Andy Robinson who had the nightmare when England played the Wallabies in November 2004.
Maybe this should be a joint entry. Paul was substituted after just 26 minutes of the test. To be taken off so early was a humiliation from which he never recovered. It wasn’t that his ego was crushed so much – more he was unsure why he was taken off. He didn’t feel the decision was justified or adequately explained after the event.
He was on the field for such a short time that he felt he was a scapegoat for a backline that was immediately under pressure.
Robinson, the coach at the time, argues differently. He felt Paul made two glaring handling errors and that it was obvious his confidence was shot and that the backline was never going to fire with him out there.
Change had to be made reckoned Robinson or the game would be lost before half-time. Never mind what it would do Paul’s confidence long-term, Robinson said the second five was so bad, he simply had to come off.
“Henry, unfortunately, made a number of mistakes,” said Robinson after the game, “and we had a player of Will Greenwood’s stature to come on. These are calls you have to make as a coach. I will watch the game again, and probably still think it was the right one. I am paid to make those calls, and I felt it was the right call.”
There was a vocal chorus who said it was nonsense, that Paul deserved better. But the damage was done – Paul never played for England again.
Robinson was booted two years later – his inability to select the right team was the key reason.
9. David Campese
Australia v British Lions – July, 1989
It wasn’t so much that David Campese had a terrible game against the British Lions in the third test of the series against the Wallabies in 1989. He just made one unforgettable mistake that cost the Australians the series and forced Campese to take a pounding from the same press who had adored him for most of the decade.
The Lions had been taken apart in the first test – beaten by a smarter, slicker Australian outfit. They redressed the balance in the second test with a brutal performance. They used the power of their forwards to smash the Australians up front and to keep the ball tight.
The third test had everything resting on it and with both teams having a good understanding of how each would play, it was tight and tense.
It was nine-all at half-time before Michael Lynagh put the Wallabies ahead with a penalty. It stayed that way until 20 minutes to go when Rob Andrew tried a dropped goal. He sliced it right and Campese thought the counter attack was on. Behind his own posts, he chose not to touch it down, but to run and he took off sideways before flinging a pass to Greg Martin.
The fullback wasn’t expecting it and it was a poor pass that led to the ball coming off Martin’s shoulder and bouncing free to allow the Lions wing Ieuan Evans to score the critical try.
Campo was blamed for costing the series and his desire to run from deep, once a strength, was labeled a liability by a misguided few.
8. Ronan O’Gara
British Lions v South Africa – July 2009
It will come as little surprise to New Zealanders to see the name Ronan O’Gara featuring on this list. Any of his appearances against the All Blacks could feature – the man just doesn’t cope against the best team in the world. Or maybe that should be the best teams in the world as his entry here is for his work in the second Lions test against South Africa last year. At the time the Boks were the number one team in the world.
They were, however, under the most intense pressure in a game they had to win to close out the series. The Lions were on fire. They had found their form at last and had the Boks on the ropes for most of the first 60 minutes.
Their handle on the game was slipping, though, in the final quarter as the South Africans came back at them. It slipped faster and further when O’Gara came off the bench as a replacement. The Irish first five made two major contributions to the outcome.
The first was to miss an easy tackle on South African centre Jaque Fourie that allowed the big man to blast over in the corner and keep the game alive with six minutes remaining. The scores remained level until the 79th minute and a draw, while not perfect, would have at least allowed the Lions to reach the third test with a chance of salvaging something. That all disappeared when O’Gara stuck up a bomb, chased after it, and then took out Fourie du Preez in the air as the South African halfback jumped for it. A penalty 54 metres out was meat and drink for Morne Steyn who casually slotted it and left O’Gara in tears.
7.Sione Lauaki
New Zealand v Australia – July, 2008
It will come as little surprise to New Zealanders to see the name Ronan O’Gara featuring on this list. Any of his appearances against the All Blacks could feature – the man just doesn’t cope against the best team in the world. Or maybe that should be the best teams in the world as his entry here is for his work in the second Lions test against South Africa last year. At the time the Boks were the number one team in the world.
They were, however, under the most intense pressure in a game they had to win to close out the series. The Lions were on fire. They had found their form at last and had the Boks on the ropes for most of the first 60 minutes.
Their handle on the game was slipping, though, in the final quarter as the South Africans came back at them. It slipped faster and further when O’Gara came off the bench as a replacement. The Irish first five made two major contributions to the outcome.
The first was to miss an easy tackle on South African centre Jaque Fourie that allowed the big man to blast over in the corner and keep the game alive with six minutes remaining. The scores remained level until the 79th minute and a draw, while not perfect, would have at least allowed the Lions to reach the third test with a chance of salvaging something. That all disappeared when O’Gara stuck up a bomb, chased after it, and then took out Fourie du Preez in the air as the South African halfback jumped for it. A penalty 54 metres out was meat and drink for Morne Steyn who casually slotted it and left O’Gara in tears.
6. Tony Underwood
England v New Zealand – June 1995
This is maybe a little harsh as everyone playing against Jonah Lomu at the 1995 World Cup suffered terrible indignities. Lomu bowled big men over; he ran round fast men, he destroyed everything that got in his way.
He was particularly rampant in the semi-final against England. It may even have been his finest hour. The English, as only they could, entered the game convinced not only that they would win but that Lomu was a myth.
They gave the distinct impression it was a formality that they would dispose of New Zealand and this chap Lomu and cruise into the final – their rightful place.
Tony Underwood, the man on England’s right wing, had kept quiet in the build-up – thankfully for him. Of all the people asked to mark Lomu in that World Cup, he made, by some distance, the worst job.
He was so bad it was painful watching him. His first attempt at tackling Lomu was feckless. He came in high and Lomu had Underwood on the floor in one hand-off. The next time Underwood came in, he actually fell over well before he got to Lomu.
Lomu just smashed over him the next two times and when Underwood had the ball, Lomu picked him up and spun him round and round by his jersey. It was like the playground bully was having some fun with the little kids.
Underwood learned his lesson as he simply began avoiding contact after that – he let Lomu run round him in the second half. It was easier that way. Lomu went on to score four tries and England were crushed.
Underwood, in recognition of how bad he was, actually scored an advertising contract with Pizza Hut after the World Cup – one in which Lomu also appeared, swatting away the England wing as he had done so many times in that semi-final.
5. Scott Hastings
Scotland v New Zealand – November, 1993
Hastings was a British Lions and a world respected centre. It was, therefore, a massive surprise when he was selected to play on the left wing against the touring All Blacks.
No one, least of all Hastings, was sure why the switch had been made. He’d been in form for his club and was clearly the best centre in the country. Most important – he was a big defender something the Scots would surely need.
Having barely ever played on the wing, Hastings went on to have the worst game of his career. He had no idea what he was doing and was caught out of position almost every time the All Blacks had the ball.
For a man who was such a destructive tackler it pained him greatly to never be in the right position to make his presence felt. On the right wing for New Zealand that day was Jeff Wilson – making his debut.
Goldie could hardly believe life was so easy. Hastings didn’t get a hand on him all game and the Scots conceded 50, with three tries being claimed by the debutant.
Hastings was immediately restored to his preferred No 13 jersey the following week.
4. Paddy O’Brien
France v Fiji – September, 1999
It’s tempting to believe otherwise, but in all honesty it is rare indeed that a referee will be so bad as to be the determining factor in the outcome. They might have an influence, make the odd bad call or one really bad call that has an impact but there is always more to a game than the referee.
Not, however, in this case - the pool match at the 1999 World Cup between France and Fiji. This was a game determined by New Zealand referee Paddy O’Brien. An exaggeration? No, the man himself admits it, even calls it a train crash of a performance.
The French were horribly out of form at the start of the tournament and met a Fijian side that was full of running and good ideas in Toulouse.
With the sun beating down and space everywhere, the Fijians were in control and realised early they had a great chance of winning.
But O’Brien hammered them at every turn. In his autobiography he referred to the game as the low point of his career - the worst performance of his life and one from which he struggled to bounce back.
The French were amazed at how much underserved good fortune came their way. They were all getting ready to troop behind the posts at one stage as their fullback had knocked on, obviously, and the ball had jostled loose to the Fijian wing who scooped cleanly and dived over. Not according to O’Brien who incredibly awarded the French a scrum, ruling the Fijians had spilled the ball.
If the Fijians were stunned by that, they were apoplectic when the French were awarded a penalty try near the end of the game. They had committed any number of infringements in the build-up - knock-ons, forward passes, leaving their feet at the tackle you name it, they had done it, yet O’Brien ran under the posts and handed them seven points.
The final score was 28-19 and the French knew they didn’t deserve the win and had only done so due to a 14-point swing delivered by the referee.
3. Matthew Tait
England v Wales – February, 2005
There was ample media hype surrounding the selection of Matthew Tait (left) for England in the opening Six Nations game of 2005. He was just 18 and hailed as the saviour of a side in decline and in desperate need of a new backline hero.
He was selected at No 12 just as Jonny Wilkinson had been in his first Six Nations match and the comparisons were inevitable. Well,
they were before the game. The hype ended super quick as Tait, was made to look like the schoolboy he virtually was.
His passing was erratic and his positional play was flawed - maybe understandably given his lack of experience. The poor boy just couldn’t find his feet and had a horrible afternoon where the English midfield was being all too easily sliced apart by the Welsh.
The Welsh took no time to work out the man-boy in English colours was not settling and they ruthlessly exposed him. They won a game they otherwise might have lost had it not been for the obvious weak link.
The most famous act of all came when Tait took possession and tried to run through his opposite, Gavin Henson. The Englishman was picked up like a rag doll, driven back 10 metres and dumped on his backside.
Tait, to no-one’s surprise, was dropped for the next game and while he has gone on to win 36 caps and played in the World Cup final, his career was irreparably damaged by that awful debut.
2. Ben Blair
Crusaders v Brumbies – May, 2004
Ben Blair had been living a perfectly normal life up until the Super 12 final of 2004. There was absolutely no reason to suspect that his body had been occupied by an alien waiting to make a total arse of the big game.
Normally reliable with an accurate boot, Blair played as if he was the local pub drunk, dragged out to the back field for a game of force-back.
The Brumbies stuck up a bomb in the early minutes, not with any great hope, just because there was not much else on. They couldn’t believe their luck.
Blair should have taken it quite easily. Instead the fullback jumped and flapped. That was bad enough, but the ball landed a good metre behind him – as if he hadn’t seen it at all. He grabbed air and that allowed the chasing Mark Gerrard to pick up the bounce and flop over for a gift of seven points.
It got worse. A kick through from the Brumbies forced Blair to turn and chase back. With the ball nearing the Crusaders try-line but only a metre from touch, Blair went to fly-hack it into touch. It was a simple enough task as no one was hard on his tail. But he took an air shot. An air shot and then fell over. Classic.
Joe Roff scooped up his good fortune and Blair, having gifted the Brumbies 14 points, didn’t make it to the second half.
He was subbed to make way for the aging Andrew Mehrtens. That forced a massive backline reshuffle but no one in Christchurch cared – all that mattered was the Blair was out of harm’s way.
1. Rodney So’oialo
New Zealand v South Africa – September, 2006
There are times when even good players, reliable players, men who served their country admirably just have one of those games that can only be described as an absolute shocker.
That was Rodney So’oialo in Rustenburg in 2006. Man he had a bad game. A terrible game, where no one can really remember anything than
Rodney being dire.
Now, mention Rustenburg and every New Zealander just nods and thinks of Rodney. The All Blacks were in the midst of a brilliant unbeaten 15-game run when they arrived in Rustenburg. They had beaten the Boks the week before in Pretoria and were reasonably confident they would do so again.
That was until Rodders went into meltdown. His first mistake was to throw a telegraphed pass that Bryan Habana saw a good minute before it happened, waltzed on to it and cruised in for a try.
When Andrew Hore crashed over for a try just before half-time, it felt like the All Blacks were about to click back into gear and get on with the business of spanking South Africa. But the try was disallowed as it turned out on the replay that Rodney had needlessly obstructed the South Africans. Duh!
He brought the curtain down on his worst ever performance by conceding a lame penalty in the closing minutes when the All Blacks were two points ahead. Over went the kick, bang went the unbeaten run and Rodney was locked in history for all the wrong reasons.
What do you think?